Posts (page 2)
A handgun and a tough face...wow, he really must be qualified to keep our country safe!
this is for mommy (holly) who we are missing while she slaves over tax season today on presidents day!
Some people are just born actors....I mean look at Dakota Fanning....she's been out acting her costars since her first film. And it makes you wonder how someone so young can grasp to range of emotions and feelings to pull it off...then you see your own not-quite-two-years son pull off these..
Next is the classic life couldn't be better as I'm flying down an unrealistically long straight road in a convertible and on my way to happily ever after.
And finally the "let me think about this" look which will come in handy when No Recess comes out. This of course a fictional movie about a 2 year old Detective (Nicholas Bobbe) who thwarts the plans of the US's most criminal mastermind. It will include fantastic lines such as "It's playtime boys" or "Ooh, someone tattled!" which will become cult classics along side Arnold's "i'll be back" and more.
A few weeks back i was making sandwiches for Holly and I and was thrown into a fit of laughter. I pulled out the turkey lunchmeat i had just bought the night before, opened the bag and *wham* laughter!
You see, i came face to face (well, head to head) with a turkey that clearly used to date Pam Anderson and drive boats without his wings. I mean, how could i not resist grabbing the package (pun intended) and going in the next room to show Holly what her lunch was made of! Can't you just see the lunchbreak now..."Excuse me while I whip this out."....LOL!
This turkey was definitely done!
I guess i now know why the horse had a long face...
Wherever there is injustice, you will find us.
Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there.
Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...
The Three Amigos!
I don't think anyone has more fun at work then us! I mean, we are 3 totally different personalities and we feed off each others smartass comments like the paparazzi off a drunk popstar. Not to mention how adorable we are....=)
Brown Sugar (i'll let you guess who) is smooth with his wit and has a subtle, yet perfectly timed comical commentary that keeps us rolling.
Angry Bourbon with all her 3 feet (hehe...sorry jen) of truck mouth story telling, and condiment specific paranoia ways always entertains and keeps the day light.
As for me (not sure what the other two call me...to my face anyways), you know i keep the puns coming at a regular pace and seranade them with my golden voice constantly. I'm sure they agree (cough) that i'm truely a rockstar in their eyes!
Those who know me, most likely have heard me recite my favorite joke of all time. If not, let me recap...
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
Brilliant isn't it?! Well, regardless of your opinion, I received the below email yesterday from a friend who ran into some evidence supporting our belief in this joke, and the power it can wield!
"So I know you will really appreciate this one. First a little background info, you remember Christina, aka Dave’s Girl, her parents run a restaurant in good old San Clemente that also does caterings, usually for larger parties, mainly weddings. Well she sometimes gives me a call to come up and help out as part of the staff for weddings. I’m usually happy to oblige because it is good money. So this past weekend she asked for my assistance as a bartender at a wedding. It was a friend of ours from high school whose younger sister was getting married so I knew I would run in to at least a couple of familiar faces and I did indeed.
There was one girl that I recognized but didn’t think much of it, you know after 10+ year’s people tend to forget or not recognize you, etc, etc. Anywhoo, this girl, Sarah, bellies up to the bar and looks right at me and asks, you’re Jessica Davis right? And I said yes I am. Then she proceeds to tell me, did you know that a joke you told me when I was a freshman in high school changed my life?! I think you know where I’m going with this, yes it was the ‘Why the long face’ joke!!!
I guess we were all at a party, I’m pretty sure it was at my parents house, and Christina had brought her little sister and her friend, which was Sarah, but since they were still pretty young they had to stay downstairs while we were partying upstairs. I didn’t realize I was so mean! Actually I think that was Christina’s doing! Anywhoo, I guess we went downstairs to check on them and to cheer them up I told them the ‘Why the long Face’ joke! Sarah, like me, thoroughly enjoyed the joke and committed it to memory.
Sarah was new to SC and didn’t really know anyone and I guess one day at school she randomly walked up to another girl and asked if she wanted to hear a joke. She told the girl the same ‘Why the long face’ joke and the two of them have been friends ever since! She even told me that she met one of her boyfriends because of the joke!! (I really need to use the joke more oftenJ) She wanted to make sure that she thanked me for telling that joke that one fateful night because it had been such a benefit to her life ever since! How cool is that?!
So I knew I had to tell you about this encounter because you were the inspiration for me telling the joke in the first place, and for that I thank you! It is truly amazing that even the stupid meaningless things we tell people can change their life! So keep the joke alive, even if people don’t laugh, I do!!!"
There you have it. It may just have saved this poor innocent girls life, plus its funny as hell! Do yourself a favor and spread the joke on...clearly it brings goodness to all! (kinda like Santa in that way huh)
Last weekend Nicholas took us all to Friendly's (i really don't know where he gets his money from). And as usual, the food was as good as the times we had. We colored, we played with balloons....then Nicholas wanted to have a turn.
After we finished our meal the waitress let us know that all of us were entitled to free Happy Ending Sunday's...and well...Nicholas and Pops were overjoyed...
The morning started off great. Weather was beautiful this morning, the pain in my toe is almost gone, and I even got in to work early to get some extra things done before everyone arrived. Then all at once, some work chaos arrived, I got a pounding headache and its now overcast out.
So all I can say in closing is...
And I'd like to say a quick hello to Mickey Wall (my UK coworker) and her family. Mickey got her brother into reading MWUBW and her family has been asking how Nicholas is doing ever since the post about his hospital visit. Nicholas can't wait to visit London sometime to say hello in person. =)
Today I have the pleasure of bringing you a review on an up-and-coming new group that will shortly be launching into the mainstream of music. I was given this album to review for the MWUBW readers because, not unlike the son of a preacher man (whom happens to be the bass player), I'm the only one who can really reach you.
The name of the group is FEFF (which I will address following), and their current album is Question The Motive. They sound like a combination of GODSMACK meets CREED. The music is consistently good throughout the album, though some of the lyrics and/or arrangements leave me with the same feeling I had when Guns 'N Roses finally came back (sort of).
When listening to any new album I always try and pick out the singles...this one was hard to do, mainly because none of them stood out as the best track on the album, or the most commercial. So i've chosen the first song and then the one song that has grown on me the most to post here.
Now, as for the name. I get that the two brothers in the band have the last name of pfeffer, but really, it sounds more like the newest Carebear character rather than a hard rock band. In fact, these aethiest group of kids supposedly have a cheerleader like F. E. F. F. chant that the audience does while they play...pretty sure that Metallica never did that.
They could have gone with much better band names...maybe FeffBomb or What The Feff or something that has nothing to do at all with 'Feff' such as Human Ripeness.
Have a listen, let me know your thoughts. Will they make it, or will they fail as badly as their name suggests?
Hi,
I know some of you - ok all - have been wondering what is going on with the dead person next door. To be honest (why do people say that? as if I am going to lie?) after two weeks of trash diving and sitting quietly in my apartment waiting or some sign of life...or death as it were, I decided to get out of town for a weekend. There was a lack of smell emitting from the apartment and I was becoming depressed slightly. I needed to get out of town and clear my head.
So I headed for "The Cape" - Cape Cod that is for those not in the know. I realize I sound superior and condescending but I felt very upper class and better than everyone on the bus with me for the 6 hours it took us to arrive.
I was very excited for my trip to The Cape. I envisioned myself at the Kennedy compound, "letting" myself in and taking a little souvenir for my troubles...if nothing else then at least getting my chance to graffiti "JFK KILLED MARILYN" on the gate. I have my causes and this was important to me, but alas it was not to be.
I did however learn that my rental house was located "down cape" even though we were NORTH because the jet stream carried the wind down to where we were situated. I also learned that my host's husband has a brother living on disability, a chain smoker and is clinically insane. My host's husband also believes he is about to be served with divorce papers but he asked me to keep this "just between us". OK?
After several days at the beach burning myself tan and eating lobster it was time to return to the city.
Upon my arrival to my apartment landing I saw NEW TRASH outside the door. The trash was a clear bag filled with books, and I have to admit I was quite taken by their thrown out library. There was even a Bill Bryson book (NOTE: read "A Walk in the Woods" for a trip with a fat balding man as he traverses the Appalachian Trail - trust me, hilarity ensues). After my perusal of the trash bag of books, I let myself into my apartment and found my friend with details from the weekend. I was pissed. It is just like when I leave the table to pee and my food arrives and when I return it is cold and not worth the $18 I had to pay.
Now, this is a la second hand, but I would take second hand over nothing any day.
Here was her report:
Apparently on Saturday, the supposedly dead girl was heard saying, I am sorry - I forget - screaming "ICANTFUCKINGTAKETHISANYMORE". My friend pressed her ear against the wall - don't judge, you would have done it too- and listened hard for more...and she heard....jazz music?
Jazz music?
These people did not listen to jazz music - I had never heard any music at all over there. She even said it had an up tempo beat. WTF?
But I pressed on, "so what else?" My friend responds "that was it" and shrugs as she walks off.
WHAT! Not only is this girl next door not dead but now she is either talking to her self or him or he is dead and she is talking to her new lover? or on the phone? and listening to jazz? What the hell is going on over there?
Perturbed, I went to bed with no answer. Having Monday off I went about my business of doing laundry, grocery shopping, the usual. As I came home lugging my grocery bags and laundry up 4 flights of stairs while trying to keep my new Lindsey Lohan sunglasses on (I may not go to jail but I can look like I did!) I opened my door and shoved everything in and then the door slammed behind me. Now, normally I am not a door slammer, but our doors are heavy and when they slam it sounds like an earthquake happening.
Anyway, I was busy putting away the groceries when I heard my door bell ring. I stopped dead. No one rings my door bell - EVER. Even when the delivery guy knocks it is so softly I think I am hearing things until I realize I ordered food.
So you can see why I was so surprised. Perhaps it was the nice Indian couple across the hall finally inviting me to dinner - they cook the most amazing smelling food - or maybe I had won the Clearing House Sweepstakes and they had simply been lost the past 5 months?
But nothing prepared me for what greeted me at the door..it was HER. ALIVE and IN THE FLESH. Ok, she was wearing clothes but I was awestruck.
She said "Could you NOT SLAM your door BECAUSE I am TRYING to SLEEP" - yes she did intone the all cap words louder than the others to emphasize her point.
I said "I was just trying to get my groceries in...I didn't mean to be LOUD (I said slightly louder)" I gave her a look on "loud"...she looked back - deer in head lights. If you are not from Texas, this is when a deer will literally be stunned into not moving due to car headlights...trust me, I have hit a deer and I know what I speak of...by the way the insurance company considers this an "Act of God" so no one is liable. Just FYI.
After about 15 seconds that felt like 60 the girl turned and went into the apartment next door, shutting the door quietly behind her and leaving me a deer in headlights at my own door.
The next morning my friend and I stole the bag of books for our upcoming sidewalk sale and I found a rusty nail and condom on the stairs. So I figure, if no one did die next door, at least someone in the building is having sex and if I step on that rusty nail I could own the building!
UPDATE: THIS JUST IN... This morning at 8:42 (8.02.07) - I know this as I had checked the clock to figure out if I was going to be "late" late to work or just standard late to work - I walked out of my door and she was there!
Let me start from the beginning. This morning I woke up late (as I do) and while I normally will try to zip through my morning activities, this morning I was on a slower pace and while brushing my teeth; it started...the moaning...the yelling in gratification and the cursing - the girl has a mouth of a sailor even in bed. It is just so unladylike! So as I continued to brush my teeth and now roll my eyes the symphonic tones continued next door...through my hair drying...through my deciding whether to keep my hair up or down today because it would be hot outside but freezing in my office...through my cleaning the kitty litter box of the cats I have been housing sitting for the past 7 months (I believe I can legally call them mine now?) the theme song to my morning continued. However I was pleased they had the decency to end before I ate breakfast.
So basically, leaving my apartment I had NO expectations WHATSOEVER "she" would be leaving her apartment at the same time. I stopped for the briefest of moments thinking I would simply go back in my apartment and wait for her to leave...but that seemed awkward. So I locked my door nonchalantly and turned and she turned...in my direction "Hi" she said - all smiles.
"Hi" I said - all weary and paranoid that she knew I stole her trash bag of books, had heard her having sex all morning, read this blog and thought she was dead....but then I realized a GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY!
"Are you moving out? I have seen a lot of household goods going to the trash lately" I said - all Cheshire cat smiles!
"Yes, we are - we are moving to a bigger place...we are engaged and need more room for both of our stuff"
She said it just like that...one rambling sentence of information that I was so stunned by that when she flashed her ring I actually said "Congratulations! Your ring is so pretty".
I am not an engagement ring person...I rather hate them and do not go all ga-ga over them but I was in shock. Real live shock. These two were getting MARRIED? Were they crazy - well, yes, clearly they are crazy but you know what I mean!
Walking out my lobby door and towards the train all I could think about was if there is a law I could help sign into the state that would legalize sterilization for people who should not procreate.
